Understanding Toddler Behaviour

What you will be able to do

• explain why toddlers feel big feelings before they can manage them.
• describe what is typical at each toddler stage and set realistic expectations.
• identify the everyday triggers behind your child's behaviour and plan your day to reduce them.
• keep an ABC behaviour diary and use it to find patterns and the need behind behaviour.
• respond to common behaviours such as biting, throwing, running off and clinginess with calm, consistent strategies.
• recognise when to talk to your child and family health nurse or GP about behaviour or development.

1. 1Behaviour is communication

   Understand what is happening in your toddler's developing brain, why behaviour that looks 'naughty' is often a message, and what is typical for this age.

   • Inside your toddler's developing brain
   • What is typical, and myths about toddlers

   Development stage cheat sheet

2. 2Stages of toddler development

   Know what is typical at each toddler stage, why it happens and what helps, so your expectations match your child's development.

   • Around 12 to 24 months: explorers and 'no!'
   • Around 2 to 4 years: independence, imagination and friends

   Development stage cheat sheet

3. 3Triggers: why it happens now

   Learn the everyday triggers that make difficult behaviour more likely, use the trigger checker, and set up your day to prevent problems before they start.

   • The everyday triggers behind behaviour
   • Using the trigger checker and planning your day

   Behaviour trigger checker

4. 4Watching and learning with the ABC diary

   Learn to observe behaviour like a detective, use the ABC behaviour diary for one to two weeks, and read your notes to find the need behind the behaviour.

   • How to observe like a detective
   • Reading your diary and finding the need

   ABC behaviour diaryBehaviour trigger checker

5. 5Responding in ways that teach

   Use connection, clear limits and positive instructions to guide your toddler, and know what helps with the most common behaviours.

   • Connect, then guide
   • Common behaviours: what helps

   Development stage cheat sheetABC behaviour diary

6. 6Looking after you, and when to ask for help

   Look after your own wellbeing so you can stay calm, get everyone on the same page, and know when to talk to your child and family health nurse or GP.

   • Your calm matters
   • When to talk to your child and family health nurse or GP

   Development stage cheat sheetABC behaviour diary

• TrackerABC behaviour diaryRecord what happened just before a behaviour, what your toddler did, and what happened straight after, so you can spot patterns and the need behind the behaviour.
• CheckerBehaviour trigger checkerTick the things that were true before a recent difficult moment to see which everyday triggers are most likely behind your toddler's behaviour, and what to try first.
• CardsDevelopment stage cheat sheetQuick reminder cards of what is typical at each toddler stage, why it happens and what helps, to keep on the fridge or in your bag.