Parenting After Separation

What you will be able to do

• explain what children commonly feel at different ages and what helps them most.
• plan and hold a calm, age-appropriate conversation about the separation.
• write short, factual, polite messages that reduce conflict with your co-parent.
• describe the main routes to agreeing custody, parenting time and child support in the US, and where to find official information for your state.
• create a written co-parenting plan and a shared two-week calendar.
• run calm, well-prepared exchanges using a checklist.
• recognize signs that a child, or you, need extra support and know where to go.
• recognize warning signs of domestic abuse and find confidential help.

1. 1What children need when parents separate

   Understand how separation can feel for children at different ages, and the few things that make the biggest difference to how they cope.

   • How children may feel, age by age
   • The four things that help children most

   Support signposting

2. 2Telling the children and the first weeks

   Plan how to tell your children, what to say and avoid, and how to steady the first weeks of life in two homes.

   • Planning the conversation
   • The first weeks: steadying two homes

   Communication scriptsShared calendar planner

3. 3Communicating with your co-parent

   Learn a business-like way of communicating, how to reply to difficult messages, and what to do when talking directly is too hard.

   • A business-like co-parenting relationship
   • When direct communication is hard

   Communication scriptsIs co-parenting safe for us? A private check

4. 4Making custody and parenting-time arrangements in the US

   Understand your options for agreeing custody and parenting time, how mediation and family court fit in, how to build a parenting plan and the basics of child support.

   • Your options: agree, mediate, or apply to court
   • Building your parenting plan
   • Money: child support basics

   Co-parenting plan templateSupport signposting

5. 5Two homes, smooth exchanges

   Make exchanges calm and predictable, and manage the shared calendar, school, vacations and special days without battles.

   • Exchanges that protect children
   • Shared calendars, school and special days

   Exchange checklistShared calendar planner

6. 6Looking after yourself and noticing when children need more help

   Protect your own wellbeing through separation, and know the signs that a child may need extra support and where to find it.

   • Looking after yourself
   • When a child needs more help

   Support signposting

7. 7Safety first, and the longer journey

   Recognize when co-parenting is not safe and where to get confidential help, then look ahead to new partners and the years to come.

   • When co-parenting is not safe: domestic abuse
   • New partners, new chapters and the long view

   Is co-parenting safe for us? A private checkSupport signpostingCo-parenting plan templateCommunication scripts

• TemplateCo-parenting plan templateWrite down the practical arrangements for your children in one place, so both homes work from the same agreement.
• CheckerExchange checklistUse before and after each exchange so children move between homes calmly, with everything they need.
• CardsCommunication scriptsReady-to-adapt words for the conversations that are hardest to get right, with your co-parent and with your children.
• PlannerShared calendar plannerMap a two-week pattern of where the children sleep, exchanges and activities, so both parents and the children can see it at a glance.
• ListSupport signpostingOfficial services and established national helplines for safety, legal information, money, your wellbeing and your children, all in one place.
• CheckerIs co-parenting safe for us? A private checkSome situations are not safe for ordinary co-parenting. This private check helps you notice warning signs and points you to confidential help.